


Footnote

by Masters_Brat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Porn, F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Masturbation, POV First Person, Pining, Reader-Insert, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14530026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masters_Brat/pseuds/Masters_Brat
Summary: After a bit of getting back in touch with an old friend things got heavy, and fast. But just as quickly as it had come it was now gone, and I couldn't help but wonder- what the fuck happened? And will knowing make me stop desiring him after the fire had been stoked?





	Footnote

**Author's Note:**

> Little oneshot I had to get out of my system before it ate me instead. I haven't been able to write in over three weeks thanks to this so I figured I should get it out in order to return to my previous works. Excuse any mistakes you find. I didn't properly go through this before posting it.

For like the hundredth time I felt myself sighing as I hugged my pillow close. Questions roamed my mind one after another, mystifying my thoughts even more than they already were. What in the actual fuck had happened? How had my life turned into a rollercoaster of pent-up emotions in mere days? And why was it that I still rode the damn thing after almost three weeks had passed? It wasn’t like he cared. It wasn’t like he thought of me in any single way. Oh sure, he’d come barreling in out of nowhere and like a clumsy little shit I tripped all over him –too damn fast, in my humble opinion, but there was a reason for that, I swear there was one. Thing was, it was way too mystical for anyone to believe, but I swallowed that shit up like buttered bread.

Someone close to me –well, close to the family- had promised me that she’d dreamt with me, dreamt that I’d soon find _him_. Hell, she even mentioned he was waiting for me and that there was a possibility I’d meet him on my oncoming trip. Love, it seemed, was waiting to find me.

What a load of bullshit.

But I still devoured said bullshit as if my life depended on it.

Then, a while later, this old friend of mine I hadn’t spoken to in forever suddenly comes around and we hit it off as if no barriers held us apart and –I was pleasantly shocked? Especially when he sweetly inquired about me and followed up with every topic I brought? It was what got me, I think. No, scratch that, I knew that was what got me. No guy ever has approached me the way he did and I found that extremely refreshing, even though my horny ass self couldn’t refrain from diverting the topic to where it always led to. God, would I ever stop? In any case, I told myself, ‘ _Hey, you know what? Maybe this is it. The coincidence is too damn great to be anything but. How about I go with the flow?_ ’ Turns out that flow led me towards this stupid place that I now found myself in and couldn’t seem to get out of.

Jesus Christ – _why_? Why had I fallen so hard down the rabbit hole? Was it because I’d trusted too much in this vision I had of my future? Was it because I was desperate –still am? Maybe a bit of both? Dear God in Heaven was I stupid. And to think I got excited over the start of something new. It didn’t matter that part of me knew it could never go further than the messages we were sending each other, I still ran full throttle towards that bitch. I don’t know what would’ve been worse, this short stop here or the one that would’ve been on the long run.

“Shit,” I grunted between my teeth as I tossed the sheets off of me and turned over. “Could I be more pathetic?”

Apparently I could. I still couldn’t get my damn mind off of him. All the inquisitives I had, all of this pent-up curiosity I’d harbored through the years, wondering how he was, where had life led him to, if he still was that cocky little shit I grew up knowing but lost all contact with through the years, specifically after high school. God, I never even harbored a crush for him back in the day! Yet here I was, wondering about things that were best left forgotten, untouched.

“What the hell did you do to me?” I whispered to the empty darkness that was my room, trying to understand the bullshit that this part of my life had turned to. It was more like what the hell had I done to myself, but I digressed. We were both equally guilty, after all.

The lustful words breathed on our phone screens, the delicious way they made me burn; the images engraved within my mind, behind the lids of my eyes; the gorgeous skin revealed to me in the few images we shared –they were driving me insane. How could they not, when things always felt remarkable with every start? It was fresh, it was new, it was exciting. Of course I’d latch on to whatever just to feel that impeccable high again. It had been years for me, after all. Not of the pictures, not of the messages, but of that wonderful beginning where everything seemed… alright. It seemed too good to be true and while I wanted to heed my soul I let my emotions rule over me once again.

And I was wrong to do so. Because, while I’d been an open book –the very same one I always was with everyone I trusted in my life- he’d been entirely closed off. I noticed. But I said nothing. Not everyone was like me, yeah? I should’ve persisted, I should’ve asked more, I should’ve just refrained from throwing our conversation where it eventually went to. My fucking conscience screamed at the top of its lungs that this was what I got for being the same piece of shit I was.

But I was weak, goddammit. I was so very weak.

What was it, exactly, that I needed? Attention? Sex? Love? All of the above? I snorted, “Pretty sure we’ve assessed you’re a needy little kitten, you fucking idiot.” And there I went talking to myself. Great. Awesome. Peachy.

In exasperation I let my hand fall to the bed from where it had been grasping at my heart –and in turn stumbled upon my only solace where love was concerned. A deprecating chuckle left my lips, followed by a hollow whine that tore me the fuck up in two. Was I really going to do this? Was I really going to give in to my most basic of urges and go with the flow? ‘ _Just this once, just to get him off of my mind_.’ Such a pathetic excuse. It hadn’t been the first time, and I didn’t know if it would be the last. Hopefully it would be, because I couldn’t live like this for the rest of my natural life.

The little toy came to life in the palm of my hand as I pressed down on the button, and a soft sigh blew past my lips. Slowly, oh so slowly, I brought the purple tip towards my aching little nub, no pretenses, no delaying the inevitable. With the click of a button I searched for the fourth set of vibrations, and as I found them I gasped way too loud as my favorite toy touched my clit. Groaning, I let my head fall back in pleasure, already turned on thanks to all that had gone through my mind in my most recent dream of him. Oh yes. Even through all of this my mind had been a thorough source for my imagination, constantly slamming my mind with scenes of various kinds, with him, with me, with many unknown faces in between. Those same images flittered through my head now, and as I applied more pressure on my greedy cunt I let them take over me.

The one where he fucked me thoroughly under the pleasant spray of the showerhead, slamming me against the wall, pounding me without remorse; the one where he teased me to hell and back on a soft, soft bed, until he grasped my hips and plowed within me, holding nothing back; the one where I greedily sucked him off until his seed hit the back of my throat and I swallowed down every single drop, feeling his steady gaze burning my skin from above as he gripped my tresses within harsh hands; the one where we were at a voyeurism party and ended up having a threesome with a beautiful, dark-skinned woman; the one where we strove to have the other cum first in a heated competition; the one where I distracted him from his favorite videogame as I turned him on and left him stewing there for ignoring me.

The scenes were endless and bountiful, thanks to my overactive imagination. And those blended beautifully, achingly so, with my daydreams. What would his touch feel like? What would his lips taste like? Would he be as rough as I imagined? Would he take it down slow and soft? Would he leave his mark everywhere on my skin with hard grips, harsh bites? I could hear him, whispering dirty things in my ear as he plundered from above, from below, from beside me. I could feel his breath tickling my lobe as dreams melded with reality in my desperate need for completion.

I started to wonder if he would’ve loved my own mark on his body, if he would’ve let me bite down on his gorgeous marked skin. Fuck, he’d looked enticing in the images he’d sent and I couldn’t help but wish that I somehow could get to him and nibble on his body until my hunger would no longer be unbearable. And in my mind’s eye I did just that, because this was, after all, just imagination, right? Nothing would come out of it, nothing could, and as that thought finally rippled through my consciousness I urgently let go.

_His body trapped mine underneath him, arms spreading my legs as far as they would go. His cock was inside me, plunging in without mercy, without a need to take things slow. His teeth on my neck, they bit down hard wherever they stopped and I screamed in delight and pleaded for him to never, ever stop. My arms encircled his back, my nails raking harsh paths on his skin, I urged him on as they descended on his ass cheeks, practically begging for his endgame. “You want to cum?” He harshly rasped out and I groaned that yes, yes I did. “Do it, I dare you to fucking do it, right now.” His fingers searched for my clit and after a few strokes I lost it and-_

His name ripped from my throat as my orgasm crashed through me, body rising from the bed as it trembled from head to toes in ecstasy. And in that ecstasy, my little dark cloud awaited to berate me. ‘ _Look at you, lusting after a married man. How sad is that?_ ’ Indeed it was. And as I rocked back down to earth, harshly panting, tightly holding on to my little friend, I told myself that it was about time to stop with all of this. It wasn’t doing me any good, in all honesty.

A last sigh, and then I got up and went to wash up. Numbly I went through the motions, cleaning myself up, cleaning my little toy. And once I was done I went back to bed –after drinking a glass of water- and fell face first on my pillow. I gripped it hard, trying to find peace and drift off into sleep. But then my numbness broke and the tears I’d been holding back fell freely. I cried myself to sleep, feeling incredibly guilty that it had felt so good. And it wasn’t that I had feelings for him, it wasn’t like I’d liked him before, but lust had been sparked inside my heart and once the fire burned it was hard to douse, holy shit. Again I found myself where I always did when I tried to start something new and I hated it so much. All this chaos I was going through, just to end up a footnote in someone else’s happiness once more. Guess I still had much to learn.


End file.
